Lately I have seen a lot of people who have decided to do 30 days of truth on their blog. I have thought about doing it myself but to be honest I don't really want to answer some of the questions so I decided to simply write a truth-filled post now and then.
Tonight I have been running over a lot of things in my head. This week I had the worst day I have had in a long time, and to be honest there really was no reason for it. It had been a while since I cried and got all emotional and when David called me half way through the day and I cried. Crying is one of those things that really relieves a lot of tension for me. I have found that ever since I had Colin I am really not much of a crier anymore, I just don't get emotional like I used it. I guess when you spend 4 months of your life crying it changes a person. Most days that is great because I really feel that I have grown up, but other days it can be a problem.
So I decided I'll be honest. In this post I'm going to write about some things that have been bothering me. I'm going to use this first one as an example because it was used on me just recently. I hate it when people say "not to use So-and-so as an example" by "not to" they mean they are going to and by "so-and-so" they mean you and "as an example" they mean a bad one. Really? How does that make the speaker any more diplomatic I guess I would much rather have them just come right out and say "you are a bad example". Seriously lets not dilly dally here people we are all adults I'm the first one to tell you that I am NOT always a good example, I just don't like phrases like that. Maybe it's because the people I know who like to use phrases like that I have found dishonest and insincere.
Another thing that has become a problem for me is Nursery. It isn't that I don't like it because once I get there I'm fine, I think it has more to do with the fact that the kids in there are Colin's age and that still hurts a little. Maybe that along with the fact that EVERYONE is having babies right now bothers me. I can't tell you how green with envy I am of all you. Not only that but I feel like the Grinch when I say it. It sounds awful, "I am unhappy that you are happy" that is basically what it means. I know there will be a time and a place for me, but I also know that right now is not it. For now I am still so jealous it makes me sick at times.
I guess the best way to describe it is to imagine you are really hungry, like starving and you are watching everyone around you eat your favorite food. I've been so close but I still can't touch it. I think that will be the last thing I go through before I can really feel all better about Colin.
Maybe that is too honest? But I feel better having written it. I guess it's been a while since I vented on my blog. Thankfully I think I can honestly say I haven't had much to complain about recently, life really is good. The things I have been complaining about are more like afterthoughts. They are those mean little thoughts in the back of your head when you go to sleep all my little insecurities. Anyways I just thought I would share and be more honest, besides it's good to read someone else's ventings from time to time I think it all makes us realize we are human and other people are struggling too.
Tonight I have been running over a lot of things in my head. This week I had the worst day I have had in a long time, and to be honest there really was no reason for it. It had been a while since I cried and got all emotional and when David called me half way through the day and I cried. Crying is one of those things that really relieves a lot of tension for me. I have found that ever since I had Colin I am really not much of a crier anymore, I just don't get emotional like I used it. I guess when you spend 4 months of your life crying it changes a person. Most days that is great because I really feel that I have grown up, but other days it can be a problem.
So I decided I'll be honest. In this post I'm going to write about some things that have been bothering me. I'm going to use this first one as an example because it was used on me just recently. I hate it when people say "not to use So-and-so as an example" by "not to" they mean they are going to and by "so-and-so" they mean you and "as an example" they mean a bad one. Really? How does that make the speaker any more diplomatic I guess I would much rather have them just come right out and say "you are a bad example". Seriously lets not dilly dally here people we are all adults I'm the first one to tell you that I am NOT always a good example, I just don't like phrases like that. Maybe it's because the people I know who like to use phrases like that I have found dishonest and insincere.
Another thing that has become a problem for me is Nursery. It isn't that I don't like it because once I get there I'm fine, I think it has more to do with the fact that the kids in there are Colin's age and that still hurts a little. Maybe that along with the fact that EVERYONE is having babies right now bothers me. I can't tell you how green with envy I am of all you. Not only that but I feel like the Grinch when I say it. It sounds awful, "I am unhappy that you are happy" that is basically what it means. I know there will be a time and a place for me, but I also know that right now is not it. For now I am still so jealous it makes me sick at times.
I guess the best way to describe it is to imagine you are really hungry, like starving and you are watching everyone around you eat your favorite food. I've been so close but I still can't touch it. I think that will be the last thing I go through before I can really feel all better about Colin.
Maybe that is too honest? But I feel better having written it. I guess it's been a while since I vented on my blog. Thankfully I think I can honestly say I haven't had much to complain about recently, life really is good. The things I have been complaining about are more like afterthoughts. They are those mean little thoughts in the back of your head when you go to sleep all my little insecurities. Anyways I just thought I would share and be more honest, besides it's good to read someone else's ventings from time to time I think it all makes us realize we are human and other people are struggling too.
5 comments:
I kind of get where you're coming from being jealous of everyone having babies. We had decided to try and start our family, and then realized we needed to wait while my husband goes back to school. Which I know is the right decision, but man! I'm bummed and baby hungry. I think you're amazing and so strong in giving up Colin. I can't imagine making that decision. You are honestly amazing! Okay, bad joke.
Kari, it is definitely ok to vent... everyone has their troubles, but I think that what you went through with your baby is a lot harder than what most people face. I can't imagine how hard that must have been and how hard it must still be. Our babies are part of us, there is an instant unconditional love. Im so sorry. My prayers are with you.
Oh, and I think you are a very good example.... I always read your blog and think how put together your life seems to be and how happy you are in your marriage and as a hairdresser. I think your a very beautiful person inside and out.
I personally love the honesty you have on your blog!! It's refreshing to read your blog and hear your opinions because I know you're not sugar coating anything you are always totally honest!! that's one of the many things I admire about you!! and I love your christmas count down idea!!
I think you are awesome. I'm in nursery and complain about it too. I think it's just a hard calling for most anybody (except for the super-humans!) But thanks for bringing me off my pedistal. I complain because I have a toddler at home and then I have 14 of them in nursery... I'm lame. We should do the 20 days of Christmas or something since I've already missed the first 5. Thanks for the idea. And really, you are amazing!
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