A Little Physical Introspection and Perspective

I've been debating on posting this blog for over a month now because it's personal. However I have had a couple of other friends share similar type posts recently so I decided that I've waited long enough.

My hair this February.
This is how I started last year 2014.

Around May of last year when I graduated and this last summer I started feeling like I really needed a change. Which was fine because we were moving and I had been so happy about moving I really did not expect to feel so restless once we did. I can't quite explain it but I'm sure everyone gets feeling this way every now and then. And funny enough that restlessness ultimately and primarily manifested itself through my changing hair. One of the reasons why I've been debating whether I should share this post forever is because I already touched on the subject a little in July. My blog has been sparse the last little while so the last thing I wanted to do is bore all of you with my sad repetition.

This picture is a perfect example of what I want to talk about. It was taken of me and I really didn't like how I looked. I hadn't had time to put on makeup and I truly felt... not good looking. All I did was blow dry my hair and put on clothes, that little gal next to me had me tired and I felt like that exhaustion was written all over my face. And looking back I'm thinking, "oh well that's no so bad I guess". Hind sight really is 20/20. Over the last 6- 12 months I have really been struggling with my looks. I am in no way trying to be silly or beg for compliments. I am being honest. I would look in the mirror daily and not like what I saw.  I was not happy. I have been struggling with my face, my skin, my hair, my weight, my thoughts, my abilities and all my short comings. Since I've had Macy I have not yet managed to drop the last 10 pounds. It may not sound like much but to me on my body it makes a world of difference in my overall size and how I feel, especially in my jeans. I've never thought of myself as some drop dead gorgeous girl, but I haven't felt as plain or homely as I have this last year since I was in junior high.  

The ponytail on the top of my head is my version of "giving up" on my hair. My long hair spent a LOT of time on the top of my head this last year (disclaimer there is nothing innately wrong with ponytails). This post is going to wander a little but it's kind of complicated to express how I have been feeling. In general I would say I would tend to feel anxious or frustrated beyond what was normal for me, not really depressed. I really despise it when I get this way.  

A rare good hair day from this summer. Man! I did not realize how long it was.

 This picture is a joke. My mom asked me why I was never in any of the pictures I was sending her. So I sent her something she could cherish- forever. Notice the bun, I gave up that day too. There really are a lot of pictures of my like this from this last year.

 Another picture with my hair COMPLETELY out of my face. What is funny about this bun or ponytail that I deemed "ugly" is that looking back, even though I still don't love it, I really don't feel like I looked that bad. At the time I felt horrible.

 Can anybody blame a gal for giving up on her hair??

Right before I permed my hair.

We visited family in November and December and while we were there I got a perm. I like perms I don't care what people say. 

See perms aren't so bad, and if you look at these pics and you still disagree it's because these pictures were literally taken right after I got my perm so I hadn't had a chance to style it the way I liked it yet.

Sadly though because of my blonde highlights I had to have a more gentle perm. That meant that the darker parts of my hair flattened out pretty quickly because the perm wasn't strong enough. And I slowly started cutting my hair. 

Styled by yours truly. Pretty right? I love curls.

See perms aren't so bad.

Which leads me to my next topic. The pixie. Really all the perm was, was a way to keep me from buzzing my head. You heard me. BUZZING my HEAD. I was so tired of my hair, it just didn't do what I wanted it to do. Also I was still shedding post Macy pregnancy. Above I used the word restless to describe how I felt but another good word was itchy. Mostly figuratively but also a little literally (it was my hair that was bugging me after all). 

What people with curly hair, or those who hate perms, don't realize is perms give your hair volume when you straighten it and helps hold curls in your hair if you want it curly.

Some of my problem right now is I don't have the money to get my hair done as often as I'd like and I have gotten to the point where I really don't want to do it myself anymore. In fact until I colored it in March my hair had gone uncolored for 10 months.... thats the longest it's gone uncolored in at least a decade. I have noticed that I really don't like how I look without my blonde hair and this last particular couple of months is a great example of that. So After getting a perm and it fading so quickly (sad face) I cut it. Then I cut it again, and again, and AGAIN.

First cut, notice how it's barely longer than my shoulders. It used to be like 4+ inches past.
 It was so funny because everyone was like "oh you don't really want to cut your hair do you?!" And technically I didn't BUT I wasn't loving it long at the moment either so I figured things could only get better if it was shorter since I would have less hair to deal with each time I cut it. 

Davie's birthday, this is my hair almost all natural. Hadn't been dyed in 9+ months!

Horrible (terrible, awful etc) picture but this was the second cut. Just look at the curls though, they had gotten really lose. To be honest though I'm still not in love with my hair. The cut still isn't quite what I want but I have felt more like myself and it's the shortest my hair has been since about.... the summer of 1994?? So basically 21 years. WOW-zah! Anyways thank you all so much for being so sweet and kind on Facebook after I posted my new picture with my short hair, it really bolstered my spirits. AND last, but not least, my solution for my frustrations has been to TRY to eat a little better (I have my favorite naughty treats that I will admit to keeping around the house too often recently), actually using our treadmill, and I finally scheduled an appointment with an LDS counselor. First appointment in 5 years. I've gone twice now and it really is weird how much being able to vent a little to a completely unrelated party helps. I've been feeling better.

Now maybe I can get over myself a little ;) because if nothing else I'm pretty sure these two don't care <3 

Day #12- Hair Products

Saturday I was thankful for hair products. Some of my most favorites being deep conditioners (especially Pureology ones), Hair spray (anything that will freeze it stiff), and Moroccan oil (smells SO amazing!). 

 

The golden bottles are just shampoo and conditioner but they are like liquid gold; and they are about the same price. I'm still trying to decide if I want to spend what it takes to get them but they smell SO good and every time I have used them (I have only ever bought travel size bottles haha) my hair smells amazing for days AND is so soft I can't stop petting my own head. 

The same is true when I use these two conditioning treatments, I LOVE Pureology!!!!

These are my two favorite hairsprays. One of course is Pureology and it's called InCharge Plus (not to be confused with InCharge), its almost like spray gel its pretty intense, I fell in love with it during beauty school. The second is just to prove I'm not a total product snob, it's called Frozen Stiff and you can get it at any Sally's store. I have used Frozen stiff for about 8 years now. Back in spring of 2003 Lauren and I were in the musical Annie Get Your Gun and the people who helped us fix our hair used this stuff and I have been in love with the smell ever since and it always reminds me of play practice!

yummy

Being a stylist I am definitely a bit of a product junky, for me that means I end up buying too many products a little too often. I mean really after you put about 3 products in your hair its just going to make it weighed down, which is the last thing I want. I don't have super difficult hair but mine has no real body, wave or natural volume. It tends to look a little frizzy at the ends at times and it LOVES to lay WAY flat right from the root. Girls that have curly hair often act like my hair is so great but it's only because I have learned what products and techniques work to make my hair look nice, it's not because I don't put work into it. Anyways I love product and I am very thankful for all kinds and the ability to buy the expensive stuff for a little less.

Fake "O" Natural

As you all know I have decided to grow my hair out to it's natural color. Recently I have decide that I am no longer going to even to dye my hair with a demi permanent anymore. At first I was having a pretty difficult time with the new color change because I LOVE my blonde hair :( even if it isn't natural. The last week or so I have decided that I think I will be able to live with the natural color... for a while. So without anymore further chit chat,  my new "fake natural" color.

I actually really like this one

I think that is about as close as I am going to get to my natural with a bottle of dye, now for the waiting

Feel free to compliment me and tell me it looks good, haha I need all the convincing I can get!!

My Hair Crisis

A week before Christmas I was at the salon and I pulled out the straightener and start using it on a couple of pieces of my hair. Not really to staighten because my hair is already stick straight but to put a bit of shape in my hair. At that point my boss says "why are you using that crappy straightener, use the nice one" and based on previous posts I am afraid of her a little because she takes everything personally and I can't say no very well, so I deicde to use it. I turned the heat all the way down and started running it through my hair. It burnt my hair. To the scalp. I was ready to have a coniption fit. Long story short and definitely some tears later I now have most of my layers back and full bangs. Also I would have to say I am much better at giving myself hair cuts.... if that can ever be possible. NOTE- Ladies out there PLEASE do NOT cut your own hair.

Hello, my name is Kari Warden and I am a cutter....

And this picture is a VERY small example of how much I cut out. I probably did this about three times. I made sure to cut it on three different occasions so that I didn't just cut my whole top layer off all at once.

This is what the front section of my hair looked like up close. All weird wavy almost curly looking and puffy kinda like ethnic hair.

It's really hard to see but if you look at the ends of my bangs you can tell that the hairs are all bent up.

 Addmittedly I do like me best with some form of bangs but it still irritates me (drives me crazy!) that I grew my bangs for 4-5 months of annoying-ness in my face/ eyes 24/7 just to burn them off. The plus side is I'm ok with the way my hair looks right now and hopefully I will be able to grow out my new little burnt off spike-y pieces soon. Such is my life, I wonder will I ever feel like my hair is NOT in a trasitional phase? I have decided though that for the time being I will be keeping my hair much closer to dark blonde/ light brown than I usually like, in hopes that it will help me keep my hair healthier.

if you look at the layer by my cheek bones you can see all the squiggaly pieces of hair.

the layer of hair right below the top of the picture. I wish this even showed half of what it really looked like. It was impossible to brush! I had to cut so much of it out, and now I have a bunch of Alfalfa's on my head.

At one point when David and I were in DC I was freaking out about my hair (again.... for probably the 100th time) he turned to me and so very, very sweetly asked if there was anything he could do to make me feel better. Poor boy. I told him there wasn't until my hair grows back out, but I managed to keep my fits on the DL after that.

Hair Today Gone Tomorrow

This post is 100% about me. You can give me your opinion and comments if you'd like but my hair has been driving me crazy lately and I hate it short. I like hair, I like to talk about my hair, I like to talk about your hair, his, hers, theirs, etc. I find it interesting how hair grows and changes with us, so I apoligize if you don't find this as interesting as I do.

This is a story about hair, more specifically my hair. 

Once upon a time there was a girl who had beautiful long virgin hair. 

This picture was hard to find. Apparently I put my hair up all the time, or at least in every picture I was in it was up.

Just look at those pigtails! My hair is up and they still go past my shoulders!

It was like this until I was in 8th grade

If you look you can see that my hair in the back is just above my overalls!

And then in 8th grade I cut it off. This is where all the fun starts.

9th grade- short

end of 10th

Beginning of 11th

Right before I permed it

This is once my permed chilled out a little, right before my senior year

Ah, I LOVED my hair like this.

Still growing. This is when my perm started to make my life difficult, I did the logical thing and decided "hey, if I run another perm through my hair while I comb it straight I won't have to straighten out the nasty-ness every day."

.....and then I had to cut it

however I didn't have to dye it red, BUT I did it anyways. Which meant that my senior pictures looked nothing like me my senior year.

By summer it had grown out a bit but then Katie and I decided to put sun-in in our hair .....and I had to cut it out, which brought me to this...

short and I dyed it back to red

I cut it again

I dyed it... are you noticing a pattern here? Basically I can't leave my hair alone, and sadly this is all before beauty school. This is the darkest is my hair has ever been

Back to red

beginning of 2007

End of 2007

2008- beauty school= VERY blonde

... a little tooo blonde (can you say yellow?), don't even ask me what I was thinking

It didn't last long (thankfully) Thanksgiving 08

Even with all my mistakes in Beauty school I kept it pretty long. This picture is of my last night class in Beauty school. Even if I couldn't leave the bleach alone for a while, December 08.

thankfully that weird blonde bang thing didn't last long March 09

ahhh back to normal ( I really REALLY like and liked my hair like this)

and I added permanent extensions..... for about a second

Look how long it FINALLY got! May 09

Then I cut it for my 21st birthday. Not a lot just added some layers to spice it up and help me feel pretty.

which destroyed it! I was so annoyed, apparently my hair doesn't handle layers very well. The best way to describe it is my hair got all stringy at the bottom of every layer and I had to cut off a couple of inches.

But by the end of 2009 I had it figured out, until I dyed it red again

but once again it wasn't really bad to dye it red. My hair was long, shiney and healthy.

it only became a problem when I decided to put blonde back in it. Yea there were many fried off little hairs after this, and just by looking at the picture you can tell I have tons of new spike-y pieces by my part. My hair stayed like that for about 4 months and I used deep conditioner like it would save my hair but I knew it wouldn't.... so I cut it.

and after going to Toledo for a week I realized the summer humidity was going to kill me and my hair sooooo I cut it again. The first time was a must the second time.... I don't know, why do I do this to myself?

I dyed it more brown so I could work on growing out my blonde some. I hate this picture my face looks so fat.

So I was growing it out, trying to "find my roots" if you will. I was growing out my bangs and they were finally getting long enough to put behind my ear but I went through 2-3 months of them being the WORST length ever first.Well then some things happened. I'm going to write about them in another post- one this post is already huge and two- it's been a bit of a mini crisis for me. And now my hair looks like this...

This was just last week (sorry my cell phone picture is so fuzzy but you get the idea). I'll admit I really do like the bangs (now) but I'm still really irritated that I got soooooo close to growing them out and went completely through the annoying stage before I HAD to cut them. Also I was trying to grow out my layers and now they are in full swing again... uhhggg! 

It's always a work in progress.