My Mommy Moment

Occasionally some of you ladies will post articles about being a mom, having children and all those other details that go along with it on Facebook. Some articles I really like others... not so much. Today as I was going through some of Davie's things that are too small or can be put into storage (we are getting a bigger storage unit and meeting with a relator on MONDAY!) I was remembering my biggest "new mom" hurdle. 

For me nothing about having a baby is that "gross" a little uncomfortable? sure. Less appropriate to talk about in some situations then others? Yup. A squeamish topic around men? Yes sir. But in reality its just a body process that (like many) has it's share of fluids. I was never taught that birth had no "yucky" parts. I just slowly learned how it worked and I was fine with it. Did that mean when I had Davie that I wanted the doctor to hand him to me when he was still all "wet". NO! But in that moment I quickly realized, oh thats not as bad as I thought it would be. I should also add that Davie was not as slimy or sticky as some babies are when he was born. I also realized he didn't stink, not sure what I thought it would smell like but it wasn't anything "gross". 

Must protect the blessing outfit!

Flash forward to having that new baby. I was prepared for baby poop messes, long nights, lots of crying and maybe even an "I don't care about myself" phase. Well not much of that ever happened. Instead I got the baby that literally spit up ALL the time for ALMOST the first year of his life. And not like "oh he drooled, how cute!" Like drench a blanket in one go, use 4+ blankets a day, outfit changes, drool by the pint (without teething I might add), buy 10 more spit up blankets, always doing laundry, and SOOO many bibs all the time kind of spit up. 

That picture of Davie right there was after he spit up ALL over had a yucky diaper and then peed on us. Whew! Talk about your clean up marathon. He literally wore out his bibs, we still use them even though the velcro on them does almost nothing. Turns out theres only so many times you can wash velcro before it gives up the ghost (four washes a day sometimes). That was so tough for me! 

Here I was thinking "wow this mom stuff isn't so bad", Davie wasn't so bad, I really felt like I had time to get "washed up/ made up" for the day. My bigger deterrent was the thought of Davie spewing allll over my "nice" clothes. And without fail most days that I actually got ready he did. Including a black lace shirt, it was gross. 

All of that basket is HIS laundry.

So as I was picking out the very boy spit blankets and leaving out the yellow, green and ducky themed ones for the new little miss I got the tiniest bit of dread at the thought of having another baby. What if she spits up the way Davie did!?! I'll deal, because I have to, but darn that would really stink. That picture of all the spit up blankets above doesn't do itself justice because there really are an abnormal amount of them, they are just really flat from being folded in their box for so long.

He was a happy spitter-upper

For the most part every baby has their "downside" some don't sleep their first year, others have colic, while others seem to have a curious amount of diaper catastrophes. I guess what I am trying to get at here is this is my official "putting what I want out into the universe" blog post concerning this next baby- please be a decent sleeper at least until my classes are finished and please don't spit up on me for the whole first year of your life. That's all I ask... for now. 

Davie is Two

Just like every other mom on the planet, I cannot believe my baby is two. He has the best personality, he's super sociable, loves people and is as stubborn as they come. In fact if it wasn't for the the fact that I too am stubborn (David is the "good guy") he would walk all over us and be a regular little tyrant. One the more geeky side Davie was born in the year of the Dragon (so was I) but because of when Chinese New Year starts he's technically a Rabbit. Can I just say I wholly disagree with that categorization! Haha to give you an example of what I mean one of the descriptions of the Rabbit is that they are serene animals. Nothing could be more untrue for Davie, but maybe he will grow into it :) I still think he fits the category of Dragon much better, stubborn, firey, passionate etc. Ok I'm done being geeky... for now.

Some of his accomplishments in the last 6 months include, 

1. Loving, pointing at and carrying around cars. It started with any vehicle was a car but he has now added truck and bus to his list. 

2. Pointing out the color of objects he is holding or that you have. He is really quite good if he is the one who mentions the color first and I think it's because he has had time to think about it. When we ask him what color something is about 75% of the time he will get it right. 

2. Knowing what numbers are counting (a little) and asking for two of something like crackers or cookies. He's also loved the ABC's for quite some time now, depending on his current mood he actually sings a lot of the letters.

The Q doesn't belong to this puzzle but I looked over and saw Davie put it in the correct spot!

Loves a good book. For as wiggle CRAZY busy as he is I'm still amazed he likes books SO much. It really makes no sense because we barely get him to fold his arms at night for his 1 minute long prayer but he will sit through several books at night and then ask for more!

3. A while back he started telling us he was "kuck" when he was in his carseat. I don't think I paid too much attention at first because he was still babbling a lot at the time. When I figured out what he actually meant it was because I turned around to see him lean against his carseat straps while grunting and repeatedly telling me "I kuck, I kuck!" That was when I realized he was telling me he was stuck. 

Davie telling me he's "kuck"

4. He has officially climbed out of the crib, bye-bye freedom mommy and daddy. Bedtime takes closer to an hour and nap time takes about 30 minutes now. I know all toddlers are but Davie too is an especially good little manipulator at bedtime now. He so sweetly will say "sit mommy, sit mommy" when I go to leave the room or "come here mommy". It gets me every time because after I walk out of the room he cries like I broke his heart. What a stinker, darn we love him! I still think he would have made it a while longer if we hadn't had him in a pack'n'play he could climb out of over Christmas vacation. In the end though, I'm thankful we are making the bed transition now though and not after the baby. I can just imagine the kind of pain that transition would have been. Two not sleeping babies. Not good.

5. He absolutely LOVES singing "Jesus wants me for a sunbeam" and "I am a child of God". If he wants to sing them he will say "sunbeam, sunbeam" or "chil Got!" I was actually unaware of how well he knew the song I am a child of God until one of the ladies at our parents church told us she was impressed with how well Davie sang it. Not that I hadn't tried to sing to him, goodness me did I try! Davie was just one of those babies who needed absolute quite when it was time to go to bed so I stopped singing or trying to a long time ago. Now I try to incorporate the songs into his bedtime routine more often. The other night we were singing together and he actually fell asleep shortly after, it was a wonderful mommy moment.

6. He can identify a lot of his family that lives far away. I have really enjoyed that. He knows who my mom and dad are if we talk about them and David's parents. He's a little more rusty on our siblings but there's quite a few. Well except for Mike and LaLa who live here in Toledo near us, he LOVES them.

Picture of him while I bug him and try to keep him from sleeping in the car so that he won't ruin his nap. The next picture isn't the same day, but there is something so beautiful about a sleeping baby.

7. He still HATES to have his diaper changed and can be quite the grouch most mornings. I can tell he is starting figure out the potty thing, my new less-favorite thing he does is tell everyone you are going poopy if you are in the bathroom and someone asks for you. Oh geez!

Must not be held still!!

8. Davie finally has more than 6 teeth! Back in November/ December we noticed he was getting 4 molars almost instantaneously. Thankfully they were on top and bottom so he can actually use them to chew. No sign of his other bottom front teeth so the boy definitely struggles to bite stuff, haha and we call them his little rat teeth.

These are my socks and for some reason Davie always finds them and LOVES to wear them around.

9. Davie LOVE, love, lOvEs his Daddy. He is the BIGGEST daddy's boy around. He pretty much picks David over me any day. It's tough for this first time mom to take but I love how much he loves David. Their relationship gives me some of the greatest joy there is! Overall though he has become much more affectionate lately and will actually come up and randomly give you a hug. So I'll forgive him for the Daddy thing.

Walking with Daddy at the University

10. The day of his second birthday started with him somehow getting a hold of a blue Crayola marker and coloring all over his dresser. Thankfully it came off very easily. Then while David was fixing the chicken for Davie's little party Davie got into the fridge and kidnapped his cake. Luckily that too didn't end in too much of a catastrophe but he had ruined the words on his cake that said Happy Birthday. At first I was really irritated, but it's a great story to tell no? There was one more happening the following day that let us know Davie was taking his mischief to a whole new level. We put him down to nap and he finally calmed, so I checked on him. Well he had actually just ripped up a whole ABC flap board book. I am so glad we keep his books way up high now.

His last free seat on a plane.

I was talking to David the other day and I got all emotional and asked him if he would be mad if I felt like the day Davie was born was better than the day we got married. He wasn't upset at all in fact he sort of agreed. I think when you get married there is a lot less change in your life (in every way) than the day you have your first baby. When you get married you know who you are marrying (hopefully) and what they are like. The day you have a baby, other then the gender, you know almost nothing about them and just about everything in your life changes. Having Davie with David there and bringing him home are some of the best, sweetest memories I have!

We love you Davie every little crazy busy part of you.

I am Still Pregnant

It's true, even with everything that's been going on I am still pregnant... with my 3rd baby, that still blows my mind. About 90% (or more) of my doctors appointments have been between classes or on Fridays so that I didn't have to take Davie or miss class. I recently passed my glucose test, and my hemoglobin levels are excellent too, just in case you all wanted to know. 

Aside from that I think I have spent more time on my bottom during this pregnancy than any of my others which has lead to my weighing as much as I did when I delivered Davie and Colin already. Only I was 7.5 ish months along not 9 months. Yeah that was a tough moment. All that sitting in class, and studying on top of bad schedules and general lack of energy for working out there has also been a large amount of eating out. Throw in David never being around and Davie eating like a mouse and eating out becomes a very wonderful alternative for cooking. 

This pregnancy has been different than my other two in a lot of different ways. I never really had morning sickness instead I had extreme food aversions and crazy bad fatigue. My tummy issue this time around has mainly been tummy aches that feel like someone has punched me in the gut and they usually last all evening. This was all going on right after Mike and Lauren moved in and while David was gone for 4 weeks to Minnesota. It was awful.

 Then sometime in October I started getting horrible pelvic/ thigh bone pain and I'm still dealing with it. The other night we went to the zoo and I hurt SO bad I was using Davie's stroller like some kind of elderly walker. This daily pain is totally new to me and it has definitely given me a new perspective. The saddest part about this pain is the way it has affected my sleeping. I never struggled to sleep while pregnant and now I find myself tossing and turning on top of my 2- 3 nightly potty trips. And of course this time around I have experienced the highest need for extra potty breaks than ever before. I am the potty queen this time. Oh yes and I have been very itchy, all over, a lot.

So even with the literal pain in my bones, tougher nights, ichy-ness and extra potty breaks here I am passed 30 weeks and unlike my previous pregnancies I'm not feeling the "I"M SO DONE" feeling. I worry now that I have admitted and posted this something will happen and I'll immediately regret it, but it's true and I'm still a little shocked to be able to say it. I'm still super excited to bring home another baby and I get really excited when I think about bringing her home, but overall I still somehow feel less "tight or uncomfortable" compared to my previous 30 week milestones. 

34 weeks on Friday
I was going to try to get a nicer picture but the bathroom selfie is all that happened.
Also feel free to tell me if I can wear a polka-dot scarf with stripes... it seemed legit.

The next thing I am currently looking forward to is our third trimester ultrasound, I found out that my doctor's office does these as a courtesy two appointments ago. This will be exciting since I never had a 3D ultrasound with Colin and Davie's pictures done in 3D were lack luster since he was still so small. I can't wait to see this little gal's face and see if she looks like Davie or if she has her own look!

5 Years

Five years ago this month I literally thought my life was over.

I documented almost every day of the half horrible half wonderful year of 2009. Sometimes I am glad and other times I wish I hadn't. However, if I hadn't I would probably have forgotten much of the first 5 months. There are many entries from that first month where in the middle of talking about my day I suddenly say "I cried again today" and nothing else. Some of the words I used often that first month were alone, cheated, lonely, helpless, abandoned, useless, and betrayed. I felt like everything I had ever worked for, temple marriage and an eternal family were stolen from me. I have always been the kind of person who is highly self criticizing and being around others who treated me in such a critical way was horrible for my personal, and mental well being. Not only that, but I had been (and still am) the kind of person who very purposefully avoided situations that could bring me grief and here I was thrown into my worst nightmare completely helpless to do anything about it.

 The first five months I lived half my life in survival mode, crisis aversion and the other half in pure breakdown. I have not talked too much about this part of my ordeal since Colin is obviously more important to me then remembering a relationship that was so incredibly hurtful to me.

 It's amazing because I can still remember the horrible sick plummeting feeling as my stomach fell to the ground as my Ex revealed his real intentions. What's weird is even now when I think about the horrible months that lead up to that moment I am numb from the true emotion I felt at the time. I remember it but I can no longer feel it. I think that has been my greatest blessing in the whole situation is how well I have been able to forget how emotionally painful so much of that 5 months was.

Five years ago if you had told me I would be married, pregnant with my second (third) baby, and about to finish my bachelors I would not have believed you. I never could have imagined. To think that the people around me are now so different then what I had before is such an amazing blessing. I initially started blogging because my sister in law at the time had prodded me into it and I thought it would be fun to document my first baby's arrival. Within months of starting the blog I was getting divorced and changing my address. Other than that not much has changed. I still use my blog to share about my life, what's going on, to relate to others and get reassurance from friends.

I have avoided talking about this day for several years now because as much as it still affects me at times I didn't want it to become me. I didn't want to be known as "that girl who married young and got divorced so she gave her baby up for adoption" whew such a mouth full. Although I do realize that my blog definitely caught readers with my experience.

I cannot begin to describe how thankful I am for the people that are now in my life and the places they have helped me go. Davie has made January a whole new experience for me. I now think of him, the day he was born, his birthday and birthdays to come when I think about January and not that horrible month 5 years ago. I guess this is a post to say I'm still alive, thank you and I love you to my husband, friends and family who have done nothing but uplift and help me through. For all of you experiencing tragedy in your lives, whatever it may be just remember it has a purpose and an end, just like everything else in this life. And last but not least I want to thank my Savior who comforted me so much during that first cold lonely month 5 years ago.