Moving twice in under two years is a pretty excellent way to help you want to live a possessionless life. About a year and a half ago I had a friend blog about diving into minimalism. I was busy unpacking our crap so of course I was intrigued. The only area I can really say I've ever struggled with wanting "stuff" all the time is clothes. When I was young I liked being cool, nowadays I'm on the mommy body changing roller coaster which makes keeping things that don't fit a battle of time. How long should I keep this? Will it still be popular when I fit it again? Did I really like it that much when it did fit? And last but not least is it worth lugging around for 2 years when I could easily replace it??
Along with that I got rid of allllll kinds of "things" and "stuff" I talked a little bit about it previously, but that was a rough year so I didn't have a lot of time or motivation to blog about it. Well recently I started reading Marie Kondo's book that's been so popular, The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up.
Not necessarily because I don't know how to tidy up, organize or purge, but in hopes of continuing to get more ideas and fine tuning my abilities. Also it's aways good, at least for me to keep my excitement up when it comes to cleaning. In the book, which I had already heard about, she talks about only keeping things that bring us joy. For the most part I found that advice kind of silly. In my mind my "things" either had value because of their daily/consistent use, I need them or they are sentimental (within reason). Then there's stuff like all my chubby mom clothes. They most certainly don't bring me joy but I refuse to buy new stuff just because I don't fit my regular stuff. That's not to say I don't have some clothes that I can wear but I don't want to have several full wardrobes for all my different weights $$$
Fast forward to about a week ago. I was Facebook surfing my friends' profiles when I found myself looking at a friend's super cute baby boy.
I looked closer and realized the blankie he was holding reminded me of one my brother used to have.
So I asked my friend where she got the blankie, assuming it had been hers or one of her siblings. It turned out that the blankie WAS actually my brother's/Davie's blankie and we had accidentally left it at her house on one of the many occasions she had watched my baby Davie (for free I might add). I wasn't upset or anything like that and she immediately offered to send it to me, which was super nice. I told her she should use the blankie for her little boy and then maybe send it back after he was done with it. The blankie is a little boyish and I just had Violet so I wasn't in any rush, but I did kind of want it back.
I looked closer and realized the blankie he was holding reminded me of one my brother used to have.
So I asked my friend where she got the blankie, assuming it had been hers or one of her siblings. It turned out that the blankie WAS actually my brother's/Davie's blankie and we had accidentally left it at her house on one of the many occasions she had watched my baby Davie (for free I might add). I wasn't upset or anything like that and she immediately offered to send it to me, which was super nice. I told her she should use the blankie for her little boy and then maybe send it back after he was done with it. The blankie is a little boyish and I just had Violet so I wasn't in any rush, but I did kind of want it back.
I've had a lot of time to think about that little blanket. What I left out, because I did not want her to feel bad, was that little blankie is what I brought Colin home in.
I didn't buy anything when I had Colin. I basically had no money and I didn't want to have things that reminded me of him afterwards. So I took my brother's blanket to the hospital.
I'm still not even sure how I ended up with it, I must have used it for my dolls and randomly kept it, which is surprising because my dolls were some of my first younger childhood toys to go.
After I placed Colin I actually carried the blanket around with me for a time. Not in a weird way, just around the house a little for the first week or so and I slept with it. For a while it actually still smelled like him and it was extra comforting.
After I had Davie I used the blankie again. Davie spit up a LOT. So it was tricky finding pictures with this blankie. We had a lot of laundry his first year. Note that he is naked in the picture below. He had drenched his clothes.
It made me feel thrifty for reusing something and it was nice that it had been used by my brother and Colin (even though it was only a couple of days).
I'm still not even sure how I ended up with it, I must have used it for my dolls and randomly kept it, which is surprising because my dolls were some of my first younger childhood toys to go.
As I thought about these things I decided that the blanket did not bring me joy. Marie Kondo talks about that. As you go through your things you need to ask yourself if an item sparks joy in your heart. Even though I love my brother and Colin I realized that the blankie itself made me kind of sad and I also realized that I did not want it back.
If anything it gave me 100% more joy knowing someone else that I love was using it. This is a long story about a silly blanket, but I was surprised to find myself (a fairly unattached and logical person when it comes to "things") getting so emotional over a blanket that I hadn't ever really used and was not something of any real value. My mom said she had bought it at a second hand store in Washington state before she had my brother Jordan. It wasn't homemade and it wasn't even a gift. Yet here I was trying to decide if I wanted it. I was glad I had the experience though, it helped me work through some of my feelings and emotions I didn't know I still had. It actually ended up being pretty cathartic. I realized that, as Marie Kondo says in her book, the blanket has served its purpose in my life and was now happy in its new home.
I don't know if I have gotten teary eyed about Colin in a long time but I did during this blankie dilemma. It's weird how we as humans can forget painful things so easily. My whole experience with Colin has given me empathy for others that I never would have gained in any other way. If it hadn't of been for Colin I would never understand some of the pain and sadness that goes into losing a child or infertility. While I realize that all three of those situations are different the loss felt is very similar and I'm glad I can understand others just a little better.
Once again I can say that I know God loves me and that he watches over me. From time to time we may all think that we have learned all we can from certain trials or that we no longer have healing to do. It's amazing how our Heavenly Father can present himself in our lives and help us when we are not even aware that we need it.
