This Sunday was 28 weeks. Its weird because I feel different then I did 2 months ago but not a month ago. Everything so far seems to have gone really slow. I know I'm showing now, it makes going out in public really awkward. Its frustrating to know that while technically I'm married I'm basically a single pregnant woman. It also makes a lot of the milestones in this situation more of a sad issue rather then the occassion they should be. I get mail all the time with baby coupons in it and the other day I got a newborn diaper, that really upset me and the hormones don't help I'm sure. And the last time I went to the doctor I went alone (I went alone to doctor appointments a couple of times before my ex left but that didn't bother me) however this last time it did. Immensely. I watched a husband and wife come out of an ultrasound and they just found out they were having a boy, and the Father was so excited. It was all I could do to not just break down right there. I have another appointment this week, and thankfully my mom is going to come with me. I get to find out if I have gestational diabetes, yay..... sarcasm.
I'm so glad I have my family here with me they make me feel so much better, if I was alone right now I would probably die. On the plus side I think I have decided on an adoptive family. I have known for a while and have become more and more sure as time goes on. I'm not telling people who or the family because things are so volitile in this situation that I don't want to disapoint, but its a comfort to me. It's been a frustrating task its hard when people tell you about families who want a baby, I know how hard that must be, but as a birth mom its so frustrating to have people tell you all the time about families they know. It's like having a puppy that everyone wants. However I did find my family through someone telling me so it has its pro's and con's.
4 comments:
Kari I love you and support you. This may sound cheesy but I look up to you a lot. You are really a great and amazing person. I believe that you are making a good choice, and I cant imagine how difficult it must be. I miss you a lot. I cant make this very long, and there's so much more I'd like to say, but I'm gonna leave it at this. I love you and call me/text me when you want. :)
I'm sorry if I added to your stress by being one of those people who "knows someone." I would never be disappointed if you choose someone other than my friend because I know you've been praying about this decision. Yes, pretty much everyone knows someone who wants to adopt, and I can see how difficult that would be on you. But just know that I am YOUR friend first and foremost, and know you will make the right choice for you and the baby.
I'm glad you're enjoying working with special needs kids. I did that when I was at Ricks College.
I just want everyone to know that the Friends and Family that have told me about Families they know has not bothered me at all. But my mom has told me about a couple of people who don't know me who called her to let her know, that bothered me. And there have been a couple people who have mentioned local families and for me that's just out of the question it would be too painful to have the baby be that close. Its such a personal thing already and it's very different when a family or Friend tells you about someone rather then someone who heard about me throught the grapevine.
Thanks for that! I started feeling guilty that I added to your stress! :~)
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