Divorce

I know I haven't really said much about this particular part of what's been going on in my life on here, but I just felt like I needed to set everyone straight on a few things. First- I don't want anyone feeling bad about what happened as far as my Ex walking out goes. It's been very hard but not in the way I would ever have imagined. I cry way more about the fact he doesn't care about our son then the fact that he was ok walking out on me. If it wasn't for the baby this situation would be such a relief for me.

Second- I honestly have felt so much better about myself since he left. My Ex and most of his family were not very kind to me... ever. I was constently left feeling like I just wasn't good enough when I knew I was and that I was trying my best, being told I was unkind, unthoughtful, immature and the list goes on and on and on.  I cried about it way too much, no one wants to feel that way, most especailly when the people who make you feel that way are supposed to be your "family". The whole thing was just a joke. If I offended someone (over ANYTHING) it was held against me forever, but when I was offended it was like "get over it all ready," well that is if my feelings were ever even addressed, which was almost never. The best thing for me right now is to get as far away from them and that situation as possible. Thankfully the Ex has made that very easy. He barely answers any form of communication I try (which isn't very often), even when I was trying to get his mail to him. I haven't even seen him in person since the 12th of January and I think that speaks for itself.

I want all my friends and family who read this to know that I love you so much and appreciate so much the support and compliments you have given me recently. You have made me see that I have been selling myself short. Not that I don't have flaws (boy do I ever) I have plenty, but I was forgetting about my potential completely. I often read your comments and all I can do is cry, the out pour of Love from everyone has been so amazing! I love all of you so much and I don't know what I would do without you.

Recently one of my friends gave me the greatest compliment I have recieved in a LONG time it may sound silly, but he told me I was all grown up, and that I was a woman now. I have been being told that I am imature for the last 2 years, and treated that way. I amost cried when he said it because I knew he meant it and I knew it was true. So I guess what I'm trying to say here is I'm not sad about the divorce that only lasted about a week. I know there is someone else out there for me and I'm not worried about that at all.

I also know that because of the choices I have made my life has been very easy, my Heavenly Father has blessed me SO much. I have never had a really difficult physical trial in my entire life, so if this is what this lesson is I guess I can handle that. It goes along with my goal for this year to let Heavenly Father make more of me then I can of myself. This is just one of those times where I will have to hang on and trust. Life isn't always about the good choices "you" make sometimes you learn how to deal with other people's agency, and sometimes its just about learning to endure to the end. You don't get to choose what you trials are but you can choose to endure to the end of them.