Temple

I had the opportunity to go to the temple tonight. Recently I have gone several times. It's strange how its so peaceful there and yet the temple and the doctor's are the two hardest places to be and not cry. It's difficult to watch all the couples and be alone. And it's ironic because I'm still married. I went mainly to get some peace before I go to my lawyer meeting tomorrow morning. The appointment has been making me more and more nervous the closer its gotten. I'm not used to dealing with anxiety on this level. I just want things to be done on the legal side of this terrible mess so that I can focus on the hard part, which for me is the adoption. The closer my due date gets the harder the whole idea is. I've been expecting it so I'm not surprised but it doesn't make it any easier to think about how difficult birth is physically and then on top of that to know I'm only going to have my baby for 2 days. The articles in the Ensign last month helped I felt very strongly when I read them and they gave me a small sense of peace. The situation gets difficult because having a baby when your married is expected and now everything is totally different then I ever planned. I'm SO thankful that the temple is as close as it is, going has kept me in one piece physically and spiritually.