This is not any one person it is a combination of things that I went through with several different girls in several different grades. It is kind of a continuation of my Truth post. Another one of the questions on many of the 30 days of truth asked about someone who treated you badly, this is my answer.
Junior high started out great. You and I were new and old friends. We had sleep-overs went shopping and told secrets. It seemed like I never had enough classes with you to keep up with socially. I was never on your block or team, and when I was we didn't have very many classes together. So we wrote notes to one another, lots and lots of notes. Silly notes, serious notes, notes when we were bored and notes when we were excited.
As time went on, I felt like you were always making new friends that I didn't fit in with. Sometimes your new friends were more popular and they would say rude things about me to you when I wasn't around. I cried a lot because you would tell me what they said so cooly I felt like you agreed with them. You didn't stand up for me when I wasn't around. Other times you made friends with people who didn't share our morals. Your new friends would swear and say dirty things in front of me because they thought my shock was funny. I'd say I was afraid of them but honestly whether your new friends were more popular or less, I didn't fit in and you didn't try to help me.
One day we all went to lunch. It was a big group and we had decided that we would walk to lunch. For the first time in a long time I really felt like things were ok and I was getting along with everyone. A couple days later you informed me that several of the girls who I had talked to didn't like me. Not only did they not like me but they said I invited myself to lunch. I remember playing it over and over in my head. Going to lunch was a large group decision that was made right in front of me; how was I not invited?
I was hurt. I felt like every time I talked to you I got a new lesson in how annoying I was to everyone, including you, and you were supposed to be my friend. When you told me these things, my heart would skip a beat and I would feel my chest fill up with warm tingly embarrassment that would spread to my fingers and toes by the time you were done. It was like the rush of adrenaline you get when you fall in your sleep. Only when the nightmare was over I felt more anxious than I had before and I wished I was dreaming so I could wake up.
To this day unless I am personally invited to things, I don't go. And some times if I feel like I was invited just because they don't want to leave me out, I won't go.
You told my secrets to all of our friends. When you told, you told them my secrets out of context and never apologized. I sat alone at lunch for weeks, or I would beg my Mom to come get me so I wouldn't have to. Sometimes I would have her come just so I could eat lunch in the car with her. Even with all this I’m not saying that I was never mean, rude or exclusive to others, this is just a generalization of some of my more sad days in Junior high, which I think everyone can relate to in one way or another.
1 comment:
JR High was such a rough time, but friends were a very important time to have them. I've had my ups and downs with friends, and I've been there, sitting all alone. I'm sorry you had to go through that, and glad that you are able to share it, thats not easy. But, I think you've learned from it. Your were one of my first closest friends when I moved up to IF. I probably would have had a lot of lonely lunches if it werent for you. I've always have felt included hanging with you. I just wish I were a better friend and hung out with you more. I realize now, who my real friends are. Your one who has stood by me and I am grateful for it. Thank you :o) I love and appreciate for all that you have done for me Kari! <3 Big hugs, I really miss you sweetie.
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