Today started off really well. I went to my doctor app. found out that I was dialated to a 3 and the midwife stripped my membranes. I was really hoping (and still am) that it will help move things along. It either takes effect within the next 24 to 48 hours or it does nothing- so I'm hoping. Then everything went downhill, FAST.
I have been avoiding the subject of the Ex for a while now even though it effects me almost daily. But if I don't vent about this I'm going to explode. He has decided that when I have the baby he wants to have his whole family circus there. Now in a normal situation that would be fine. In this situation though it's not. This is a rhetorical question for the most part, but how would you feel if you spent the last 5 months being pregnant with absolutely NO support from your Ex OR his family? Now how would you feel after you go through all that and the pain of labor and you know your going to give your baby up to have his family think that they should be allowed to share in ANY of YOUR hard work?
I'll tell you how I feel, used. The fact that they could be as selfish to pretend that they care just so that they can see the baby, once I have done all the work makes me so mad I just cry. I just wish that he would give me one thing and that is to keep his crazy family from my kid until it goes home with his adoptive family where he belongs. Once again he has NO clue what I have been going through for the last 5 months and today he just calls up and leaves a nasty voicemail telling me his demands, or he claims he won't follow through with the adoption. MEMO TO HIM- THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT AND THE PRODUCT OF YOUR OWN DECISIONS, NOT MINE!!!! Like I have said perviously, the divorce part has not been difficult for me and in a way I'm glad he's the one who decided to end it, since I would never want to be responsible for breaking my convanants over the issues we had been having. I just wish if that was how he felt he would have skipped away BEFORE the baby.
I just don't get it. I paid the bills in the divorce, let him keep money that was literally and legally half mine, let him keep the car, and haven't bothered him since and he cannot do anything for me. It's like constantly losing when you know your playing fair. I have had to carry around this baby alone. Go to doctors appointments with no husband, listen to my baby's heartbeat knowing that I don't get to keep him and explain my situation to people when they realize I'm not married (anymore). I know he hasn't done any of that. And the ONLY thing I'm asking is that he keep his family that deserted me and was unkind to me the entire time we were married out of all this, and he won't even do that.
My struggle is where can I find closure? He's insisting that he get his but at this point I'm so tired of him running the show I could die (literally). I have never had to deal with anyone who was so selfish everytime I have asked for ANYTHING in ANY of this he has said no or said yes and done the opposite. I just don't want to cry anymore. I don't understand why his family insits on being this way. They can support him without torturing me. I just can't wait till days like this don't exist. I hate crying till I have a headache and getting so mad and worried that I feel sick. I refuse to let this stuff change my mind but why does it have to be so hard, on me? I just can't win.
4 comments:
Wow, just reading that made me frustrated. I would think it would be reasonable if he requested to be there so he could look his baby in the face after all of this, but to demand his whole family is wrong, even in a case where you two were together, demanding that would be wrong. Honestly, I think he's saying he will change his mind about the adoption if you don't go along with it just to get his way. I say tell him no and see how seriously he actually is or if he's just scaring you into it.
I have to agree with the comment above, and made me frustrated just reading it! Oh Kari I wish I was up there... he does not deserve to have his whole family there. Maybe him to see his baby, but not even that he doesnt even deserve that. He hasnt even been there at all, so he honestly does not deserve one bit of the reward. Somehow you should get a restraining order. I dont know if that will even work out but still. Oh Kari! What a Jerk! I swear I could beat the heck out of him.
i know that it all is unfair but it should get over soon. Try not to worry to much about Brandon and all of that. You need to worry about you and having your baby. And it is a very good idea to have your dad take they baby to their family. If you can just let your parents deal with him. Brandon is just trying to push your buttons and make you mad for whatever reason..don't let him. You deserve better than that.
Wow... I mean wow. How could that guy be so selfish and self-centered and freakin' NAIVE to think that his idiot decisions will have no consequences. He made his bed, now he expects to flit around where he wishes and do what he wants without thinking about the privileges he has lost by being a grade-a terrible human being. That is it in a nutshell, he has lost the privileges afforded to men by not being a real man. I don't want you to have this stress (neither does Julie, she especially sends her love) but this douchebag can not be afforded the ideas that he has privileges anymore. I know you don't want more legal crap, but if you were in better shape I would suggest getting a restraining order. If nothing else, make sure your parents let them know that they are not invited. You don't need this, for your sake and for the baby's sake. Take good care of yourself and let the circus pass you by.
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