Placement

 Baby and I got lots of time compared to alot of Birth Mom's and Baby's. I had my Baby at 7:11am on Wednesday and I placed him Saturday morning at 9:30am, and we visited with the family again till about noon. That's 4 days and some change. My hospital stay was a dream. I decided not to tell my Ex a thing until I was ready to leave the hospital, at that time the counselor called him. I was happy that he only got 2 hours. It was all he asked for but still he didn't deserve it. After his demands last week I felt so smug in how things turned out. All I can say is that after everything I went through I didn't feel bad at all about letting myself be a little selfish for once. My brother Brandon held him and saw him more then my Ex got to. He got everything he wanted back in January and pathetically I'm not even sure what it was, but whatever it was I hope it was worth it to him. I wouldn't trade my time for anything. And it was not my fault that the other party didn't get to see his son born. Turns out when you treat the mother of your kid like crap she isn't going to include you in special personal moments. Choices, we all have them and no one can make them for you, but you still have consequences.

The hardest time was probably my last day in the hospital. I just started to feel dread and my stomach was churning which made me not hungry, I knew the time to say good-bye was coming. I think I held baby just about every second I could. I just wanted to feel him and smell him, I didn't want to forget. I'm lucky he was such a sweet snuggly little baby. Even though I was tired and sore I tried to do as much as I could like change his diapers on my own and I kept him in my room all night, I even started to walk to the nursery everytime they did his little evaluations.

When Saturday morning came I went to the agency and signed some papers, I couldn't help but cry as I read and signed. Then we went into the room where his family was waiting. I think that was the hardest I just didn't want to let him go. And of course he was being the good little baby he always is sleeping in my arms. I don't know why but it was easiest to give him to his older brother first. After we visited for about 2 hours. Then my mom drove me home.

That was hard, I was going home empty handed, I probably cried more in the drive home then Baby had the whole time I had him. At that time my Ex and his family got come and visit. I waited at home. When they were done I had asked several days before if they would come by my house one last time before they left for Boise. It was very comforting to know that even though my Ex's family got to see and hold Baby, I was still the one who got to see him most and see him last. I'm glad Baby's family were kind enough to do that for me I really needed it, even if it wasn't a very long visit it was just enough.

It's amazing how perfect your own baby is. My Baby will always have two mom's, I'm glad I can say that. I'll always be his Mama, even if I can't be his Mommy. It's sad that his "bio dad" wasn't more intrested but his real dad loves him so much. And I'm so excited for my Baby and his older brother they are going to be great buddies. I couldn't have found a more perfect family if I had tried. I say that because I didn't pick Them Heavenly Father and Baby let me know where he needed to go.