Having a Moment

Just as a disclaimer this post may make no sense and may be extremly vauge, consider yourself warned. It's been a while since I was on here to vent but lately I have been having what I like to call Moments. My whole day will go just fine no one will be rude and nothing too bad or out of the ordinary will happen. Then just after I go to bed I will start to feel absolutely miserable. My mind will start stewing over anything and everything that I might have said or done that was "stupid" (I can't think of a better word). We all are our own harshest critics right? I will find myself laying in bed for HOURS sometimes just obsessing over little nothings that happened that day or anytime recently. It's like I can't shut my brain down and it won't stop talking!

Of corse you all know that I have declared this year as my year to learn paitence. Can I just say I think I'm getting worse? Ugh, not even sure how that's possible but whatever. I just find myself either wishing I had followed an impulse or wishing I hadn't, way to often. It seems like when I don't follow them I regret it because I find out later that it would have been worth it. Or when I do follow them I find myself in a situation where I get hurt, ouch. I just can't get over how intense my feelings get as soon as I'm alone and my brain can start wandering.

My solutions thus far have been to A. Sleep/ nap or B. Go out and be with people. The first one does wonders if I can get myself to sleep but we all know that sleeping too much is NOT a solution to anything. However in my defense it's so nice to not have to think and have everthing shutdown, no more thoughts. My second option is obviously the better of the two. Maybe that's why I like doing hair so much. I like to do things for people that make them happy. Everyone (including men) have to admit that getting your hair done feels pretty darn good. Not only that but then I can listen to their problems and not mine. Going along with that I find myself with my Mom ALL the time. I just like being with other people. Also it helps that my Mom is like a constant beam of sunshine with a breath of fresh air. I love her so much.

Anyways I guess that's why people aren't supposed to be alone. When you're alone you are weak, we are all better off with someone around us (almost always). It would just be nice to have some one besides my poor family to vent to sometimes. But I have a hard time sharing specifics with people because most of the time I just need to be angry or irritated for a while and then it's over. This whole year I feel like I have had to wait for everything I want, and it's not like they are all selfish things. Then it seems like too often I either don't get what it was I wanted at all or it's in such a timely matter I don't even want it anymore. Can't a person have what they want when they want it just once in a while?! That's the question I find myself asking all the time. If you have read this far bless your soul, I'm just ranting about nothing. But as usual I feel better having put some of my tangled thoughts into words.